all the leaves are brown

Why this title? Well I happened to be discussing some favourite films with Ethan - he had come across some movies that I stored on my phone (which he is using).  We were chatting about Wong Kar Wai movies and of course Chungking Express.  And the song that has really become part of the movie (for me at least) is of course California Dreaming by the Mamas and the Papas.

Anyway the reason for the connection is that autumn is here. Today the clocks moved back an hour.  I've always had trouble remembering whether clocks moved forward an hour or back.  Well it's both of course.  They have to be moved in the opposite direction after the end of daylight saving time.  The UK has to decide in a couple of years whether to keep this arrangement - the EU has already dropped it.

Now I have an example to make it easier to remember.  I woke up at the same time again today,  My watch showed 6.30 am.  The only difference was that it was already bright.

Autumn was a difficult time last year.  I really missed home and what kept me going was the knowledge that I would be coming home for Christmas.  It gets depressing when there is so little daylight.  It is a psychological thing because seeing the sky get dark around 4.30 in the afternoon while you are still in the office has an effect.  This time round I don't know when I can come home but I am handling the situation better.

Reading the bible has given me focus and comfort.  Even the online worship service has become a soothing reminder of home and makes it easier to get through the week.  Last week I teared up while singing In Christ Alone.  Don't know why but it just suddenly hit me.  I was momentarily a little down, but then I somehow felt better.  It was as if singing the song comforted me, which it did. I am so thankful for zoom and all the other online tools that have allowed me to stay in contact with things back home.  They help me feel connected.

Writing this has also been a great source of comfort.  Maybe you won't read it now but hopefully at some point in time you will, and understand me a bit better.  The other great source of comfort is exercise.  Whether I am riding my bike indoors or outdoors, running and taking in the fresh air, or golfing and enjoying nature, I feel mentally better after each session.  And I am better dealing with the cold.

Of course sometimes like today, when I had nasi lemak for lunch (this week, or maybe last week, is the Civil Service week and we got a free lunch), I need to run it off.  It was quite a big serving and I couldn't even finish it and by the time I got home around 5.40 pm, I still felt so full that I just had to run.

While having a very light dinner of soup and vegetables, I watched an old favourite movie of mine called City Slickers.  I won't spoil it for you in case you want to watch it but it's about how three friends got to know each other more deeply during a vacation.  One of my favourite parts is when they were sharing the best and worst days of their lives (it's a comedy but it has many nice moments like this).  And it got me thinking about my best and worst day.

My worst day was definitely the day I made the decision to take my father off the ventilator that was keeping him alive in the ICU.  He had been fighting hard for over a week, and it was a rollercoaster ride.  Some days he seemed to be doing better, and we would get our hopes up that he was on the road to recovery.  Then it would get worse and we would be deflated.  Then finally the doctor told me that I had to make a decision.  The days that followed were probably close to being the worst day as well - let's call it a tie.  I thought about him after that every day for a year and it took a long time but I finally stopped mourning him.  I still had you guys and needed to get on with my life.

And the reason I have you guys is because of the best day of my life. I think about that fateful day once in a while, but usually for different reasons and also I am thinking about a different part of that day.  It was the day I met Mummy. 

You probably know the story by now but it's worth retelling.  Some of my friends (including Uncle Eric) and I from Business Administration faculty decided to take a short trip to Desaru in Malaysia in September 1983. Aunt Chris was also in our faculty and decided to join us. She invited Mummy and another friend to come along.  We were supposed to meet at a coffee shop along Selegie Road (can't recall the name now but I recall I posted about it in Facebook because the building has been earmarked for conservation).  I recall that someone told me or called me that we were meeting at 7,30 am.  Now in Cantonese, the numbers 7 and 1 sound similar and of course I thought he said 1.30.  So that day, while I was still sleeping soundly in bed, my home phone rang and when I heard that everyone was there waiting for me, I scrambled, packed and left the house within 30 minutes.  This is the part I often think about, because it is sort of funny, but also how close I came to missing out on the best day of my life.

But thankfully I made it, and when I saw her, I fell in love at first sight. My favourite memory of that day is standing in the bus talking to her throughout the journey.  I have never felt such a connection to anyone before.  The day is a nice and warm hazy blur in my memory and I can't recall what we talked about but it didn't matter.  We could have gone on forever.

birthday sightings

hmm forgot to add these pictures...

as i was making my way to old chang kee, i saw a procession of people heading towards trafalgar square.  so much for social distancing.  it was yet another protest. london seems to be the protest capital of the world. maybe it allows people to let off steam but i do wonder what is the effectiveness of all this?  though you have to give it to them - until the recent black lives matter protests, all those i have seen have been peaceful and quite civilized.  no one is screaming into each other's faces.  it's just not done here somehow.

i go closer to take a look and it has something to do with nigeria.  later on the news i understand why. soldiers or police in nigeria apparently fired upon peaceful protesters.  something in the background caught my attention - i couldn't believe what i was seeing and i go closer to take some photos.

it's some kind of installation art (or whatever you call it, lord nelson standing there in the background would not be amused) - well i got some whipped cream and cherry for my birthday cake later!!  the fly and the drone on the back have moving parts too!! as i walk around, i saw the piece of artwork of jimi hendrix on the ground. now i suddenly think about the people who do this for a living and how they must be affected as well.  street artists, buskers...

58 and counting

Various people asked me how I planned to commemorate the day.  June asked if I was going to cycle 58 miles.  I told her not in the rain.  A friend asked if I was going to run the same distance as my age... I said I had already run 100km before, so I just needed to live up to 100!

It was great to receive your well wishes the night before - it made me miss you guys more.  This would be the second year I celebrated it alone...  Anyway the fact that back home it would be my birthday a few hours early motivated me to go for a run and count it as my main birthday activity - as well as the fact that the weather would be pretty dreary on the actual day of my birthday:).  I think it is a fabulous way to celebrate.  It is a chance to feel alive and give thanks to God for keeping me healthy enough to still be able to run or cycle or whatever.  And to always take the opportunity to glorify Him when people say they are inspired by me.

Oh and before my run, on the way home I saw Theresa May entering her London apartment, accompanied by her two bodyguards. I told you guys and mummy asked if I saw her shoes - apparently May has an impressive collection of shoes:)  I only knew that she has some nifty dance moves which she showed off during some conference when she was still PM.

Back to the run... it was a lovely day with the temperature around 18 degrees and so I headed out in tee shirt and shorts and it was perfect running weather.  I am guessing it's too warm for the locals... I decided to do one of those runs where I had no real route or destination and see where that takes me, within reason of course.  I don't want to end up somewhere and have to take public transport back.  Don't worry I had my mask with me.  I even tried running with it once - I bought the Under Armor mask and you can run while wearing it.  Actually when it's really cold, wearing the mask helps as you breathe in air that's warmer.

https://www.relive.cc/view/vXOdB9DXrkq

Miserable weather on my birthday, but it was nice to wake up to lots of well wishes.  That alleviated the loneliness of the day for a while but by the afternoon, I felt I just had to get out.  Some mission colleagues had found out it was my birthday and arranged to have drinks at a pub at 6 pm.  I decided to head out around 3 pm to Old Chang Kee.  You see, last year I had bought two curry puffs from there as my birthday treat and I decided that this would be my tradition as long as I was here in London.

As I reached OCK, I realised it was too early to buy the puffs and head back home, and then decided that I would have cake at WA, just across the street.  This is a lovely Japanese patisserie that has lots of great matcha stuff, and it was difficult to choose but in the end I settled for this.  It is a matcha tiramisu.  Had Earl Grey to go with it and that was my birthday cake :)

After that it was off to OCK where I bought curry puffs for myself and also for the colleagues I would be meeting, and I could not resist getting the nasi lemak as well.  I really wanted some taste of home for dinner and thought I might eat both the curry puff and the nasi lemak - last year I had two curry puffs for a meal!  

Then off to the Duke of Wellington pub near Eaton Terrace - here's a tip, don't just look up the name of a pub in the UK (but also check the address), as there are many pubs with the same popular name and you might end up at the wrong place!  Duke of Wellington is one, Fox and Hound is another.  Just googled and at number 1 is Red Lion!  Why?  The red lion was the heraldic emblem of Scotland and when James I (from Scotland) came to the throne he ordered that the symbol had to be displayed on all buildings of importance, including pubs.  That fact alone tells you how pubs are such a feature of public (no pun intended) life, and why the recent restrictions imposed on pubs created so much unhappiness.

We sat outside, so as not to break the rules on gathering indoors - currently people from different households cannot meet indoors.  My colleagues surprised me with a small slice of cake from L'eto and it was really nice of them to go to the trouble.  I had a bit of cake and just some chips (loaded chips - with bacon, cheese and other stuff - really rich) - partly because I was still a bit full from the cake, and the Guiness is also a very nutritious drink:) - but also because I really wanted to eat the nasi lemak later when I got home.  There is a choice of filling and I decided to be very conventional and chose dry chicken curry.  There is a vegan option of jackfruit rendang, which I will definitely try next time - I still recall that wonderful jackfruit vegetable dish (sayur lodeh) Gabe and I had in KL, and which I couldn't find the next time I went with Ethan and Mat.

All in all, it was a good day as I give thanks to God for these 58 years, but most of all, for you guys... The well wishes from many friends made my day for a while, but the next day the feeling wore off and I wish we could have celebrated it together.

On the road and links again

Behind the wheel again.  Time to hit the road, just as the UK is on the verge of another lockdown.  Well at least parts of it, if people don't get their act together.

But it's become less fun, if driving in London could be considered fun to begin with.  That said, it is nicer to experience other motorists giving way and allowing you to turn out from side roads even when they don't have to.  And while it can be frustrating initially to drive at 20 mph (yes you read that right, it's not a typo - and it was 30 mph previously), after a while I do enjoy the slower pace as it is less stressful.  Especially on the narrow streets at night, the slow speed feels much safer. Of course you get some who are impatient, and at the earliest opportunity they will overtake you and zoom off.  But they never tailgate you and do not sound their horn so you don't feel pressured to speed up.

The less fun part is I think due to two reasons.  There seems to be a lot of road work everywhere.  Maybe they are trying to get the economy going by starting projects.  So traffic had become even slower. Secondly, my impression is drivers are more impatient.  They used to always stop at zebra crossings - but I've seen more instances where they don't. I do believe it's a sign of the strain that society is under .  This pandemic is causing a lot of pain and anxiety to people.  That manifests itself in many small and seemingly insignificant factors.  Drivers become more impatient, more irritable and less focused because their minds are on other things.

Another less welcome change is the change in congestion charges and timing.  It is now 15 pounds a day!  Thankfully I have a 90% discount because I live within the congestion zone - though you could argue that it is a disadvantage since I can't avoid it whereas those who are not within, can avoid the charge if they don't enter the zone.  Also the charges used to kick in only from 7 am to 6 pm (or was it 8pm?) on weekdays.  Now it is 7 am to 10 pm every day!  They have explained the government needs to raise money given the pandemic.

A car is a luxury in many ways, but it provides a great convenience.  Shopping for groceries, especially when lugging a lot of stuff is less painful.  It also means I can explore farther afield, and golf becomes a more attractive option:)

I played at Wentworth on Sunday with Sharon and John.  They are a lovely couple - she's Singaporean and he's British (he lived in Singapore for 17 years and loved it).  They sailed a lot in Singapore, and decided to take up a different sport they could play together when moving to London (they've been back 11 years now).  They chose golf and decided to buy a home right on the estate where the club is located (it's huge - there are more than 1000 homes on it).  Wentworth is famous as it is the home of the BMW Championship.  There are 3 courses, Edinburgh, East and West (where the tournament is played - it is tough) and it is beautiful.

It was a great day out, and I would have enjoyed it even if I had played terribly.  I didn't suck and much of it is due to the fact that something clicked in my head about my game.  Golf is as much a mental game as it is about physical coordination - it isn't really about strength (unless you are a pro).  A comment from Sharon's friend who played with us the last time suddenly made sense to me.  She said something to the effect that for a person who seemed so calm or easy-going, I seemed to play in a bit of a rush.

I wasn't as focused as I should be - partly because I was usually enjoying the beauty of creation, and didn't take the game too seriously.  But truth be told, I am too competitive to be content with that, and if anything, golf is a competition with the most difficult competitor you can find - yourself.  And so when I do try to focus, I end up trying too hard.  I rush my swing, while not being totally in control (aka I wasn't focused, or at least not on the right thing).  The outcome is usually ugly.

The key is the concept of flow - this was a hot topic a few years ago.  Can't recall the details (I read a book or two about it) but the essence of it is that you need focus, but at the same time you should not overdo it to the extent that you tense up... and lose focus on what's important. The best description I have come across is "effortless concentration".  It's also been called "being in the zone".  Some people have described it as seeing things in slow motion.

So my moment of epiphany was understanding what I needed to focus on - when we have a task at hand, there are many possible points of focus.  Many are not crucial, and may even be distractions.  My previous focus was wedded to the idea of an easy effortless swing (and I liked golfers that had such a swing), and how it looked to me.  But I had missed the point - what it looks like, isn't the same as what needs to be done to make it look that way.  You need control, to make it look easy.

A valuable lesson and insight for me, even as I am writing this.  Reflection is really important and we don't spend enough time on it.

There are many things in life we need to attend to and some are routine, which we do without much thought, and that's ok too because even if we get it wrong, it's not disastrous.  It's like the ideas in that book Thinking Fast and Slow.  If we had to focus so hard on every single thing we do, life would be unbearable.  The issue is figuring out what deserves that kind of attention - and we often do it subconsciously.  We naturally focus when we are doing things we enjoy.  And to enjoy those things even more, we need to learn to focus consciously, on what's important.

First week of freedom!

It's been a week out of isolation and I'm slowly getting back into the groove here.  I was only in office for 2 days though, because of the split team arrangements.  And I would have gone in on Wednesday by mistake if not for my colleague reminding me as I was leaving that we weren't supposed to come in the rest of the week:)  

The strange thing this week is an unsettling feeling - some days I feel like nothing's changed very much.  But other days I am reminded that this is a very new world we are in, and this will continue for a while until we find a new equilibrium.  I wonder if we are rapidly approaching some kind of tipping point.  Seeing this photo again of the theatre where Hamilton is staged reminds me that the theatre scene has been badly hit.  No shows are being staged, and even tentative plans to allow some patrons back weren't really going to help much.  Apparently, most theatres need a more or less full house on most days to turn a profit.  So there is a lot of pain - a group of classical musicians put up a performance at Parliament Square earlier this week to protest against the continued shutdown.

So seeing tourists taking pictures and queuing up at the London Eye was reassuring in some sense, even though there are obviously a lot fewer of them. But a day or so later, as I walk along Piccadilly, the streets are very quiet.  A few shops have closed, though most are still around - with hardly any customers within.  A friend told me that it was difficult to shop when you aren't allowed to try on anything.  Come to think of it, I have not gone into a shop for so long that I don't know if that's the case back home as well.  One good thing about the lack of crowds is that taking the Tube is a much nicer experience.

On Friday as I met a new friend (from CPIB) at Strutton Ground for a Chinese meal, it was good to see the lunchtime pop-up stalls along the street again, though with far fewer customers than before as many are working from home.  And shops are closing earlier than normal, as I discovered when I walked past the Chinese place a few days before around 6 pm.  Previously I think they would still be open for dinner.

Anyway the following weeks and months are going to be a period of adjustment and transition.  If I am avoiding crowds, I think I might make more plans to head outdoors more. Certainly running and cycling, but also exploring the country a bit more.  The other night, they were screening the movie Yesterday on TV and I suddenly had a brainwave - it would be nice to visit some of the film sites if they weren't too far away.  The Pier Hotel where they did the rooftop concert scene is the obvious choice.  It's about 3 hours away.  Watch this space!

I loved this movie.  Apart from the music, which is a great trip down memory lane, there was something especially poignant about the alternative universe in which Lennon is still alive.  It is of course silly, fantastical and whatever else you want to call it but it offers us some sort of healing, even if imaginary.  The Tarantino movie "Once Upon A Time in Hollywood" employs a similar plot device, though in that case it is much more central to the story.

Some random stuff from the week.  The Doubletree Westminster hotel next to the flat is being refurbished.  Mummy and I stayed here for two nights while waiting to move into the flat.  We had to do so because we couldn't get an extension at the service apartment we were in (We had been there for a month while searching for a flat.)  We will always have good memories of the nice bellhop who pushed our luggage next door - his supervisor had said he couldn't do that.  We gave the chap a nice tip for being helpful.

Glorious sunset that I saw from Chelsea Bridge while on my run on Friday.  It was cold, about 11-12 degrees. (Autumn is definitely here but I don't mind missing the summer because I was at home with you guys).  I was still feeling a bit bloated from what I think is probably indigestion and decided that running might help.  It won't hurt - well only if I pushed really hard.  I am almost back to normal and that's a relief.

 

LOL

Tuesday

Channel flipping while having dinner, and saw there was a documentary on the History of Comedy.  Think it was an episode called "Gone Too Soon" and it was mostly about comedians who had passed on.  Not that all of them were young like Bill Hicks or John Belushi.  It was also about the sentiment that these legends were missed no matter when they passed on, because they managed to connect with their audience and bring a smile to faces, some joy to lives.  Like Joan Rivers or George Carlin who had long careers.  

Gary Shandling even made fun of his own future demise.  He said he wanted a boxing referee at his funeral, to count down from 10 in front of his casket, and when he reached 5 he would wave off the count and say "He's not getting up".  That's brilliant.  And that's why comedy is so important.  It allows us to deal with some of the darkest moments of life, by talking about it and best of all, laughing about it.  And some manage to make us laugh even after passing on.  Like the late Graham Chapman, of Monty Python fame.  The rest of the cast appeared as guests on a show after he had died - and brought in an urn that they said contained his ashes.  One of the cast crossed his legs and knocked the urn off the table.  I burst out laughing.  I am pretty sure that was not really the urn with his ashes in it but it was hilarious.

As one of the comedians said, you always remember someone who makes you laugh.  And that's one of the most human desires - to want to be remembered, the need for significance. I heard this quote during a recent webinar

Jean Varnier - "All of us have a secret desire to be seen as saints, heroes, martyrs. We are afraid to be children, to be ourselves.”  (Doing a google search on him reveals many others - “We are not called by God to do extraordinary things, but to do ordinary things with extraordinary love. ”)

But I was also suddenly struck by how strange it was to laugh out loud alone.  Though sometimes we don't laugh at the same things, which is funny in itself.  Some of us like inside jokes, some like silly puns, some love lame Dad jokes (and it's not me). I love it especially when we share referential humour that you get immediately (well some of you anyway).

(From the TV show 'Community': "I think if you said "Jump", he'd say "How high?". If you said "Stop", he'd say "Hammer time!".)

Random favourite photo of us.  I wonder when we might all travel together again - I pray and hope that it's while I am still here in London.  My favourite holiday was when we went to Japan and read the Gospel of Luke every night - was this photo from that trip? Could be.

Freedom!

Friday
A wet start to freedom, with more rain forecast for the weekend.  But I was not really complaining.  It was good to get out, though I didn't really have trouble coping with quarantine.  It could have been worse, like being cooped up in a small hotel room.  Exercising on the bike or spending time cooking (and working of course!) helped time to pass.

My first day out of quarantine was a Friday and I went to the office and it did feel a bit surreal, walking down the streets that had been part of my routine for so long before it was interrupted for 6 months.  It was noticeably quieter with many working from home, but there was still some life on the streets.  But some things had changed.

My favorite street fruit stall near Victoria station was gone. I got the best figs I ever had there last year, 3 for £1, and sometimes I would get bananas and preaches too.  I guess they depended on volume with the prices they charged and once the office crowd and tourists were gone, it must have hit them hard.

Quite a workout on both legs of the walk to and from office.  I brought the Bengawan Solo pineapple tarts, cookies and bak chang (I call it my care package:)) for the mission colleagues. I had to support the paper bag with my arms because I was worried the bag would tear because it was wet.  I wore my raincoat and because it doesn't breathe, I was sweating by the time I got there.

My key fob to the office still worked thankfully, not like the one for the apartment.  Some of the local staff had changed and it was nice to say hello to the familiar faces still there, like the cleaners.  They are from Peru - Manuel and Rosie.  Everything was still working in the office, nothing had fallen apart - you can never take things for granted in an old building like this.  Like the fire in the ceiling lights last year was a big shock.

 I had only some old cookies from Marks and Spencer for tea in the morning, and then joined in the small group meeting via Zoom which started around 1.15 pm and skipped lunch.  Had some nuts that were 4 days from expiry and that kept me going.  Pretty good nuts though.

So I was a little hungry when I left the office, and contemplated heading to my favourite Korean restaurant Lime Orange for dinner.  As I approached it, I saw the lights were on and that was reassuring.  Some people were standing inside near the entrance, and normally that meant they were waiting for a table so I thought it was crowded.  But then I saw that it was only about half-full and for a moment I thought of going in.  In the end, I kept walking past.  I just felt uncomfortable, especially as many of these small establishments are really cramped, and often ventilation isn't great.

Then I thought it was still not dark yet and maybe I should head home quickly, get changed and hit the road for a short run.  But I was feeling a little tired after a long day and the walk, and decided to head to the bigger Sainsbury to get better meat and fish that's not available at my local store.  And also resupply of coffee (Lavazza, the official coffee of Arsenal!) and my favourite granola!

Lugged the stuff home in the rain, sweating profusely and I was done for the day. No need for a workout anymore. A wet but good start to coming out of quarantine.

Saturday

More rain forecast for the entire weekend but sometimes it can clear up pretty quickly.  Originally there was a window around 1 pm but it cleared up at 11 am and I quickly decided to head out.  I ran out towards Strutton Ground, a small neighbourhood nearby where I go for haircuts (it costs 12 pounds if I recall correctly); frozen Chinese food like beef brisket (cooked in sauce - yummy) at a place called China Centre (there's a small eatery inside called Bamboo Basket that Mummy and I ate in once - decent but not great); and burritos at a weekday lunch pop-up stall - when they close off the street to traffic.  The barber and Chinese place are still in operation, but I don't think I will go to the barber for now - just to be safe.  I had already bought hair clippers from Amazon because of this.

I ran towards Parliament, crossed Westminster Bridge and headed west before reaching Battersea Park and turning back.  Later I find out that along the way my GPS had gone wonky and at one point, I am running on the Thames!  I may have stepped in a puddle but I am pretty sure it wasn't the river...

Dinner was instant Chinese rice (Uncle Ben's - great stuff, just pop into a microwave and 2 minutes later, hot rice!) and chicken soup.  I am also working my way through all the food from 6 months (or more) ago, and also stuff that we brought over in April last year, and one of these is my favourite almond dessert.  The pack I opened had expired in 2018, RIP.  The dessert does not even turn out white anymore :) but it still tasted alright.  I just don't want to waste food, and am determined to go through everything, including all the tea we have accumulated over time.  Making good progress!

ALMOST THERE!!!

One day more!  YES!!!  This is from Les Miserable, the first musical I ever saw, way back in London in the 90's.  Mummy and I caught it while I was doing my post-graduate diploma at LSE.  I remember being blown away by the stage production, and the rousing finale.  I am not a big fan of musicals, but this was one I thoroughly enjoyed.  The other was The Lion King which we all caught at MBS a couple of years ago.

20,20,20, 4 hours to go.  I love this song by the Ramones.  You can't help but have your spirits lifted up when you hear it, and this silly portion is the best part

"Ba ba baba, baba ba baba, I wanna be sedated"

I just discovered the story behind the song - they were singing about getting to the airport and wanting to go home because they had been on the road for a long time, and were stuck in guess where?  London!  And they were there around Christmas time and everything was shut down.  "Nothing to do, nowhere to go...") Wow, talk about parallels with my situation.  This is now officially my jam.

Two songs that capture my sentiments, but occupying separate ends of the musical spectrum :)

I also posted a picture of the movie poster for "48 hours" on Facebook yesterday.  This movie launched Eddie Murphy into stardom and led to... Shrek.  I think that Donkey was his best role to date but this one comes a close second.

Yesterday, I did the workout above and I feel a bit sore in my upper body.  Managed 6 sets which was decent I guess.  To celebrate the last few hours of my 'incarceration', I shall have a whisky highball later.  But first, I am going to catch Liverpool v Arsenal on TV, and I will ride my bike while doing so - let's hope for a better game, if not better ending this time.