Seeing Gabe leave the nest to set up his own home was a lovely memory (and sad). As was seeing a proper convocation ceremony (for Matt) this time, without the strange social distancing we had two years ago at Gabe's convocation. That seems so long ago, and somehow unreal. We had to sit in chairs that were spaced apart, like some kind of detention class where you can't do anything or talk to each other. Did we really go through that?
I have posted on social media some of the things I felt at the wedding and the convocation but didn't really get a chance to say all that I wanted. Here are those thoughts are meant just for you guys. I loved that all of you pitched in to help out for the wedding - and it felt like I missed out on something even though I was sort of updated by mummy on most of the prep. The one thing I am glad I did was to start categorizing our family photos way ahead of time, and so it was relatively easy when you boys wanted some photos for the dinner segment. That was a great part of dinner by the way - it was quite fun and kudos to whoever came up with it.
Seeing you all work together for one of best days of our family life was truly a blessing. And hearing Gabe acknowledge Matt and Ethan in his speech and having my friend commenting on that brought me great joy. It was one of the proudest moments of my life. You have a bond with each other that I only came to have a taste of much later in life with my own brothers. As you begin your own families and start having your separate lives, I pray you will never lose this bond.
I have been to many weddings and felt, as another friend of mine also described so succinctly, that Gabe's speech was sweet and heartfelt. I know mummy was extremely touched when he said he learnt to love unconditionally from us. Above all, I was just struck by the sheer joy in Gabe's face. I don't think I have ever seen him happier.
It was also incredibly touching to see Gabe's friends really showing their love, and it was gratifying that they see the good in him that we do. I can't describe it exactly but I could sense it from the way they interacted with Gabe. I guess Gabe must have shown them a lot of love for them to reciprocate.
I am also extremely proud of how Matt and Ethan were wonderful hosts and able to make our friends and relatives feel comfortable. You guys never shied away from the task and seeing you as confident young men taking things head on, almost makes me feel like my job is done. Or rather, that Mummy has raised you well - I can't take any credit.
Oh and it's funny how at least two persons thought that I had chosen the music for the wedding dinner. I guess I educated you well in your music choices heh... I was busy throughout the night talking to friends and family and didn't hear much of the music. Send me the playlist.
And Matt graduating means my job is done... because Ah Kong is taking care of Ethan's fees hahaha... But we're extremely proud of you Matt, and again like at Gabe's and Charrisa's wedding, watching your friends interact with you at the commencement shows us how loved you are. I pray you have a wonderful career and may God bless you and make you (just like your brothers) a wonderful testimony for Him.
Suddenly I am acutely aware that time is passing quickly - but only when we are having a good time together. Seeing everyone again, having great meals together, whether it is at a fancy restaurant or in a hawker centre, or eating takeout at home. Just being able to talk when we want to, about anything was very comforting. It's not the same when we do calls where you feel you need to keep up a conversation for the call to continue you know? Not sure if you get what I mean.
The three weeks seemed to fly by. Coming back to London alone, with the exhaustion finally catching up with me, was not fun. As was having to face the reality that there was more than 2 years to go before I am coming home. Thinking about it seems to freeze the time passing. It was a little depressing.
I was also having quite bad jet lag this time and it took me almost a week to get it out of my system. I was tired all the time.
But no matter how tired I was, I needed to get back into shape. The 3 weeks of extreme eating back home, and hardly any exercise, had taken its toll. I was shocked at how quickly I had lost my fitness. Running was difficult but I was determined to kick start my exercise regime again and decided I would try to run every day, no matter how short the distance.
Well that lasted for a week. At least I made it that far. I just wanted to prove I had the discipline to do it if I wanted to. But it was not easy I will admit. I think I was carrying an extra 10 pounds at least. It being summer helped. Not sure I would have been so motivated in the winter. I should make a note of that. After a week, I decided to go back to my tried and tested cross-training. It's easier on the legs. Instead of swimming, cycling and running, now my cross-training involves running, cycling and...golf. There are pools that I can go to but it's too much of a hassle. For now. I might give it a go sometime.
Happy to report that I am almost back to normal. Running alternate days, cycling alternate days, doing workouts at home - oh the office is going to open a gym at the vacant premises we own at No. 2 Wilton Crescent. It used to be the High Commissioner's residence but then it was moved to a house in West London. Once the gym opens I will be there. They are putting in a shower too which is great.
In the meantime, August is a typically slow month as most of the Europeans go on their summer holidays. And the Brits too. Well they wanted out of Europe hahaha... if you didn't get it, I will explain it.
This has given me some time to think about the future. Two years and a bit to go. I don't want to stop working and my current coaching assignments have really given me a new lease of life. I really enjoy it and I have found great joy in helping others finding clarity in their journey. I wish I had such guidance in my own career in those early years. I think I managed to get there in the end though trial and error, through getting out of my comfort zone, through toughing it out in bad times, but mostly getting clarity and finding peace with the way things are.
Well if you boys ever need a coach, I know someone who works cheap...
I find that coaching is one of those things where I get satisfaction from, and also get feedback on. I feel like I make a difference. And there are not many parts of my life where I feel that. Definitely not my current job. Doesn't mean I don't try. I will always try to do good work - but the motivation lacks that extra oomph you know? Remember that if you ever supervise people, tell them what they are contributing to, not just how they are doing. We all need to feel we are working for something bigger than ourselves. Whether it's our job, or whether it's family.
And that's a nice segue way to finish on. I have always tried to do what's best for you. Didn't always work out and sometimes you might feel I didn't do much. Sometimes I didn't and I am sorry I let you down. Sometimes I didn't because I think not intervening might be better, especially for you. Trying for yourself and failing, and hopefully learning the right lessons is sometimes for the better. Anyway, we have faith in our Lord, and sometimes He makes things happen or lets us do things in a certain way so that we come to trust in Him more.
Love you all.
