Bucket list

The original title of this post, which was started some time ago and then dropped, was "Palliative care". Mummy recommended that I watch a Prayer and Praise Service sermon by Adriel Low(?) because she thought I’d like him. I understood why when he started with an analogy about football fans and their viewing habits. He also made a reference to Linkin Park, in particular their song In The End and how it had a negative view of life that influenced some who were mentally disturbed. 

His topic was about focusing on the things that give our lives meaning and purpose and he  made a reference to palliative care and how people have regrets.

It struck me, first  as an uncharitable thought, that palliative care can last very long. Like the 20 odd years your grandfather’ lived’ with us. He essentially decided that his life was over when he lost his home and status. We tried our best to give him some meaning and purpose, but he could not really overcome his negativity.

But then I realised that our lives are all inexorably moving towards meeting our maker from the day we come into this world. We are therefore in a sense, all in palliative care. And this is the essence of Jesus’ commandment to love everyone. Because that’s how we are helping others understand the end that is in store. 

That said, the main uncertainty in life is we don’t know when our demise will happen. So each encounter with someone is an opportunity for us to convey our love. (This was the point where I probably got distracted by another post, which was about going back to church and how that affected me in that I started seeing opportunities to help strangers. I forgot to add another story, and that was at Sainsbury where a lady was struggling to reach a bottle of water at the back of the top shelf. So I got it for her. And not long after, another lady tried to get the last bottle and I got that for her as well. Strange how these opportunities came in quick succession)

But I digress. As usual.

Bucket list. I watched a Jerry Seinfeld stand-up bit about how he was so old he was no longer interested in new experiences, and the joke was that he changed the first letter of 'bucket' to 'f'. I shared it with Devin and he enjoyed it. I said I felt pretty much the same way about such a list - I said the older I get, the less I feel the need to see or do something. Other than making my tee time. The problem with a bucket list is you don't know how much time you have left. Whereas there's a pretty good chance I will make the next tee time. Heh.

I was also reminded of this recent reflection about my mortality when I recalled a conversation with one of my contacts here who is expecting a third child. He said he started a journal because he wanted his kids to know who he was, in case he 'checked out early'. And that is why I started this blog - actually there are a few, all on different topics (if you've been paying attention). The links are all there.

We don't talk much but I've tried to talk to you guys on topics I know you care about. Unless it's about chess, computer games, chess on the computer, yakuza on the pc... And occasionally I write on stuff that I think are important for you to know, for you to know about me, about mummy, about mummy and me, about us. Maybe other families connect better, but this is the way I know best, and it is also something that will be here, long after I'm gone. Unless AI takes over the world and wipes this out. Or you lose the links.

What drives me is the loss of what little connection I had with my own parents. They are no longer around. The most meaningful connection I had with my father was when he was lying in hospital, just a week or so away from his eventual passing. I like to think I have done a bit better as a father. And that's really what all parents want. For their kids to do better than them. I hope my parents would agree if they saw me and you today.