But my most abiding impression has been in how leadership looks from two very different perspectives. You see, we made two courtesy calls to two partners and I would not normally have taken away very different reflections on these encounters because as the delegation supporting our bosses, we are really just part of the furniture. We take notes, nod approvingly and laugh at the occasional joke. We don't really matter - and it's fine. Until it isn't.
You see, life is often like that boiled frog analogy. I started thinking about this recently when chatting with my colleagues and we were lamenting the state of some of our admin support (which I really should stop complaining about - more on this later). Somebody then said something to the effect that as former police officers, we are very resilient and 'we survive'. Which is true. We grit our teeth and just get on with it because there is a job to do. And for the most part, things aren't so bad that we can't even do our job.
But in a perverse way, that perspective then become some sort of badge of pride, of honour, that we 'survive'. And we then forget, or is more often the case, give up trying to improve things. That is not right. Because there is another way to think about this. And that is that we could have done better. How much of how we perform is down to our mental state? That we feel someone has our back, and will do whatever it takes to help us succeed, that we are all in it together? And next time when you are in a position of responsibility for a team, one of your most important tasks is to create the conditions for them to perform. That arguably comes before anything else such as managing and motivating them.
Back to what I really wanted to talk about.
When we make a courtesy call on some VIP, the staffers are often invisible and we learn that this is the norm. And so it was with the first call on this trip. The VIP spoke to the leader of our delegation, and not once to the rest of us. He barely looked at us (only doing so at the start when he shook our hands) and the closest he came to acknowledging our presence was to sort of say in general that there were refreshments (scones and fruit). The call ended, and gifts were exchanged between the bosses, and he then left the room, carrying the gifts himself. His staffer then handed out the gifts to the rest of us.
It was interesting that our leader noticed how the VIP carried out the gifts himself. Often we observe though our own individual lens - e.g. we observe a leader though our experience of leading. Impressions of others are never purely objective are they? In a way, our own biases and perspectives often are a powerful influence on what we notice. We like people who are like us, or like the version of us we believe we are. We notice their positive traits more readily and easily. The converse is also true. We notice the faults in others that do not agree with our perspectives and values and downplay their virtues that we may not have.
Anyway like I said,, I would not have given this a second thought if not for meeting another VIP the next day. He was such a good host, greeting us warmly and then asking all of us to introduce ourselves. And then at the end, he personally handed us our gifts and even said to me, "You know where I am KC", meaning that I could call on him. Not that I am likely to of course and in all likelihood it was just a throwaway line used as a matter of courtesy but it works you know? Making people feel that they matter is so important.
I am not even remotely suggesting that the two incidents are a true reflection of the two personalities. We sometimes have good days, and sometimes bad days. Sometimes we are not on our game and people see the worst of us and think that is us. Very often there are no second chances to create a better impression. Engagement opportunities are often infrequent - which means each encounter is precious. So we need to ensure we are always as close to the best version of ourselves as we can be.
And this means taking a critical view of ourselves. Self-awareness is so important and I think this is where the Spirit moves us. After that ranting session with my colleagues, I felt no better than the people I ranted about. I get carried away too easily and begin to sound arrogant, or at least feel superior in some ways to them. So I told myself that I will stop doing this.
I don't mean to stop being critical because that means reverting to being that boiled frog. But I need to watch my tone, become objective, be less emotional. Stop making the story about me because that is what rants are all about.
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